Tag: writing

Discovering The New

Hopefully this doesn't catch on that I can blog from work, and type on a regular keyboard instead of only using my phone.

But what to blog about today? Photography stuff? Film stuff? Acting stuff? Politics? Current events? Self-evaluation, and the shortcomings of me in my life?

I don't know. I'm not sure if it's writer's block, or being overwhelmed, and not knowing where to start. I had a strong urge to blog this morning, but unfortunately I made myself so busy for the first six hours today, I ran out of things to do for the last two.

So, here we are.

How are you? Good to see you. Welcome back to my blog, that no one reads. 🙂

I'm stressed out over time right now. I have four personal projects that I am working on for Living In The Buff. The first, is working on my marketing photos, for shooting small products, food, jewelry, etc. The next step is going to be a push to get more clients who need such services, so I want to bolster my portfolio for these types of images.

Project number two: working on some video interviews with the folks I've worked with a lot on the past. This one should be fun. Especially combined with offering a free photo session to encourage collaboration.

Project three is a growing film making project. Can't talk about it right now, but it's going to be great.

Project four will be getting out, and about, and taking more artistic images of the area. My Buffalo Adventures portfolio is a little thin because I just haven't put time into taking more local, artistic shots. Mostly it's been weather. I just haven't wanted to be out in the cold so much this year, and the weather just isn't breaking. Some of it is just time allocation. There is someone I prefer spending time with, obviously, so that is more of my focus.

I need to collaborate more. Musicians, photographers, models, artists, filmmakers... everyone I can work with. I just wish I had the time, and resources to maximize those opportunities.

A Story About Alaska

Again, they refuse – not denying that I’m going to miss my connection. They know now I won’t be on that flight. No chance. None. But now it’s too late in the day and there are no options.

I sigh a long sigh and stand frustrated waiting for the boarding to actually begin.

Shine On, You Crazy Diamond

Stephen looked up at her, unsure of what to do next. She was still topless. Her wet, brown hair cascaded down her shoulders, framing her round cheeks, and green eyes. She smiled at him, as their eyes locked. Her smile dimples triggered his nostalgia. The droplets of water rolling down her brown skin, onto her bare breasts triggered his body.

On The Future

The experiences of our past shape who we are. They often help us determine our course of action in the future. Although we can't let bad experiences fill us with fear, preventing us from creating good, positive experiences in the future, we would be fools to not mind the lessons we've learned.

In relationships, we need to be able to approach new people, and new opportunities with an open heart. When we find that person that we truly want to be with, and who wants to be with us, we should be able to put down our defenses, and be vulnerable. We can relax in an openness of self, willing to give from our core energy, and open to accepting what they give. Past misgivings from other relationships need to be dealt with on an emotional level. The hurt given to us through life, whether it be with other interpersonal relationships, damage done by strangers, or just the inevitabilities, or random events that cause us pain, and grief, need to be dealt with on an emotional level so that we can come to terms with that hurt, end our grieving, and accept the good things that are ahead of us.

However, red flags are red flags. If that special someone starts exhibiting concerning behavior, it shouldn't go ignored. Frank, and direct conversations about it, expressing concerns, and the feelings generated by their behavior should be initiated long before those behaviors do damage. From there you will get a sense of how your partner wants to deal with it.

Do they listen to your concerns? Do they get defensive? Do they try to turn it back on you, or do they engage in a dialogue while accepting their own responsibility to your feelings? Do they apologize curtly, and try to end, or steer the discussion elsewhere? Do they continue to exhibit the same behavior afterward?

Take notes. I know that sounds formal, but keep a journal or a diary. Don't just rely on your memory, which might be clouded by emotions while engaging in such conversations. Keep notes in case you need to look back, and remind yourself how things happened, what was said, how it transpired. It will help keep you from feeling crazy if your partner is trying to gaslight you, or manipulate you.

But, you have to deal with you first. Take some long, hard, critical looks at your past. FEEL the feelings, and emotions tied up within your experiences. Get professional counseling if you think you can't resolve those past feelings. Trust me, talking out all of the jumbles of thoughts, and feelings that can sometimes overwhelm is vital, and helpful.

Most importantly, don't assume the worst of a person just because things can sometimes be difficult, or even more, just because your past has been difficult. Talk it out. Talk it out. Talk it out. Be open, be honest, especially with yourself. If your partner can't handle your honesty, your feelings, or what you want from your relationship, they're probably not the right one for you...

Cutting Close To The Bone

God showed these to me. I know, that's a pretty strange statement for an atheist, but it's this god, not YOUR god...

Anyway, after this week, these are so close to the truth, they literally hurt for me to read. Major props to Holly Chisholm for being able to illustrate just how things often feel...

This is often how I feel in the morning, when I wake up alone. Sometimes it's not even waking up in the morning. Sometimes, no matter where I am, I just feel too heavy to move myself...
...which is also this. Even when I know I have to do something, or I should, it feel like all of my energy is lost simply figuring out how to get started.

 

Which is why hurt takes me so far off task. I try to not let myself be hurt, but my world is pretty heartless at times...

 

And this would help SO much.

 

But, alas, there aren't many places, or people where I feel that I'm good enough, ever.
So I often hide in music that can drown out those thoughts. Sometimes, it even stops me from sleeping because being in bed is time to think....

 

Which also reminds me of how I've been taught to not like myself, even when I tell myself I should love myself...

 

I think it started because of people. And people are always the fuel that revives it...
And even when I think things are under control, and going well, I know something terrible is always looming.

 

Which is why when I look up from the well I'm stuck in, my sky is often filled with dark, gloomy clouds.

 

 

Go love her work.

Scotch?

Four years ago, January, I bought a bottle of Johnnie Walker. A splurge at the time, because financially things weren't well. But I felt I needed something to help me... help me relax. Help me deal with anxiety. Help me unwind where there was no where, and no one, in my life to help with that.

I just finished that bottle.

Perhaps I need to unwind more... but I'd rather do it sober.

Write drunk, edit sober.

Let the writing begin.

As The Usual

My Facebook Timeline is constantly filled with some of the most ridiculous, and dumbest things that people decided to share.

I only see it because they're my friends on Facebook, so I see what they share.

However, those same friends rarely, if ever, share my creative work, art, photography, or the work I do for others.

So, there's that.... right?

Funny How We Listen

Everyone who finds it, finds it in their own way. Everyone who expresses it, expresses it in their own way. But you don’t find it until open your heart, and open your mind, and allow your energy to guide you without allowing those social expectations, and preconceived notions of what life is, and what life should be get in the way.

Vent

It's a sad day when I can't even come up with a decent title for a blog entry. No clever word play. No playful word cleverness. Just bland.

I think once things settle from the movie production I'm going to lock myself in my house for about four days, and write. A screenplay. A novel. Something. What are the stories that last throughout the ages? The struggles of a common man against great adversity? An eternal love spun from the horrors of the violence of humanity? Abstract looks at modern life, love, and the challenges represented by coping with our humanity? Cannibals? Ancient Composers? Marathon Runners? Gladiators!

I guess the point I'm trying to make is comedies, and sci-fi never really win best picture, and comparatively sell fewer books. 50 Shades of Gray has sold 125-million copies of four installments, and it is complete crap. Likewise, Twilight has also sold 120-million in five installments. Star Wars, one of the world's most popular franchises, has had over 300 installments, by various authors, and sources, and collectively has sold 150-million. 50 Shades of Grey which is probably on an even par with trashy paper-back Romance novels ("...her breath quickened as Duke Remington thrust his purple-headed solider into her moist, yet trembling apple pie of love.") except less creative, and poorly written, yet out-sells what is now a Disney franchise by a generously conservative 6:1 ratio per installment. Meanwhile, Star Wars also lost out on Best Picture to the story of an amateur boxer given a once-in-a-lifetime shot at the title, and thustly, was pummeled mercilessly.

So where do I start? A half-baked romance involving a billionaire predator trying to get a college student to be his sex slave? A fake documentary about a woman fighting against social injustices highlighting the socio-political, and religious shortcomings of modern society? I certainly can't write a sci-fi about the intergalactic socio-political struggles of a young man following an ancient religion. Or, the story of a stand-up comedian who just isn't funny. Not if I want it to actually work, and be recognized as a good bit of writing.

Ideas?

Suggestions?

She Said

She said I'm wrong
I said I'm right
She said things are black and white
I said all things can be colored by perspective
She said I have a type
I said my type is people who can love
She said I love too easily
I said love shouldn't be so hard
She said I'm a fixer
I said only for what can be fixed
She said I like to fix people
I said I like to show people how they shine
She said I only love the broken
I said everyone is a little broken
She said I seek out the broken
I said those that need me find me
She said I'll never be happy
I said my happiness grows when others are happy
She said things will never be
I said seeds don't grow if you don't give them water
She said she can't
I said she decided she won't
She said it's impossible
I said she doesn't see the possibilities
She said she is broken
I said everyone is a little broken
She said she is tired
I said sleep and look forward to tomorrow
She said she's afraid
I said she has to face her fears
She said she loves me
I said I love her too
She said I love too easily
I said love shouldn't be so hard