One of my favorite things in the world is when staunch conservatives assume because I despise Trump that I'm a democrat, and must love Obama, Clinton, Biden, etc... It's awesome how simple people try to break things down so simply for themselves, so that they can understand the world in more simple terms.

I don't hate Trump because I'm a fan of Hillary. I hate Trump because I've watched him in the media since I was a child. He's never been more than an unethical, immoral, criminal with the perception of having a lot of money. His family has a lot of money. He's squandered a lot of money. Now he's squandering your money, and my money, because a minority of people voted for him. See how this isn't working so far? I don't have to dislike one person to like another, just like I don't have to like one person if I dislike another. Trump isn't good for this nation. Hillary would have been not as bad, but I didn't have any warm & fuzzies about her either. In fact, I said after Bush the Lesser's first term, I hope I never see another Bush or Clinton presidency in my lifetime. Got another term of Bush the Lesser, but I never imagined eight years later I would see the disaster to freedom and democracy in the White House that has been Trump.

I'll remain happily independent, and wait for the rest of the nation to wake up, and catch up with me. Thanks.

The Awfulness That Is Marriage

A friend posted this tumblr gem on her Facebook the other day, and it left me wondering how people don't see both sides of this either.

 

Ok, to clear this up right now, I'm no fan of marriage as a modern institution. The government is the last entity I want to have a three-way with, and I don't believe I should have to sign a legal contract, intertwine my social security number with someone else's, and give the courts the privilege of deciding which physical assets of mine, and her's should now belong to her, or me, if our relationship doesn't quite work out, just to prove my love, and commitment to my partner.

That is assuming neither of us did something so malicious, or hurtful that courts would have to intervene, but that's a different topic. We live in a sue-happy, pro-litigation society, and that goes far beyond marriage contracts.

But the idea being proposed in the above tumblr thread seems to be "men hate the idea of marriage, and those sentiments are common only to men."

First off, let me point out, as cruel, and insulting to the bride as it might seem to have a child running down the aisle with a sign that says "It's too late to run, here she comes," I guarantee you... GUARANTEE that the percentage of weddings where this happens, and it is not the BRIDE'S decision to feature such an insulting thing, is infinitesimal. Men might joke about their life ending, but women buy into that same joke, and also perpetuate it. Plenty of brides-to-be make comments along the lines of, "He needs to be trained," or, "Just wait until we're married, and he can't/won't/will be expected to/need to change... etc.. etc.." That's honestly no different. Why are you saying yes if you think the guy proposing to you hasn't yet shown he'll be a good partner, or meet your standards? Why marry someone who has spent your relationship focused more on guy-time with his friends, or going out, and doing his own thing, instead of wanting to spend more time with you, or put effort into your relationship?

Should men be open about how much they love, and appreciate their partner? Absolutely. Are guys making an effort to be a good partner doing that? Yep, I bet they are. Are all relationships bound for marriage on the right path just because they're getting married?

Absolutely-fucking-not.

Marriage has become a ridiculous social expectation first forced upon us by our religious institutions who want to claim some kind of ownership on the whole thing, and now pushed by our government that actually incentivizes (straight) people to get married, and punishes everyone who chooses not to, or lives, and loves in an alternative relationship. To add to that, you have the whole "tradition" expectation that you NEED to be married before starting a family. This probably comes from the fact some men will bolt, and leave their partner, and kids to fend for themselves, but this is exacerbated by the social expectation that the pinnacle of living life is reproduction, which is another ridiculous concept we've had shoved down our throats for far too long. And don't get me started on how social values basically tell a guy, you know you're not good enough for her, so you better marry her otherwise she'll find someone better, and dump you. As if marriage is the only thing that will get her to stick around because you're so inadequate.

So yes, absolutely ask that guy joking about his life ending, or making comments about the ol' ball & chain why he feels that way, but while you're at it, as that gal who makes comments like she has to fix her partner, or the one allowing the ridiculous "last chance to run" signs at her wedding why she feels like her partner would rather run away, or why he isn't good as is, and why she's going through with the wedding assuming he feels that way, or she feels that way.

And yes, I hear the Boomers out there starting to day, "Back in my day..."  I hate to break it to you but relationships were simplified back in your day by the fact women essentially became property in a marriage, and lost most of their rights once the ring was put on. We're working through that barbarism, but women still don't have equal rights throughout all aspects of our social, and legal structure yet. It's an evolution in process, shedding away those old concepts, and structures, to make society a better place. Marriage, religion, capitalism, fascism - all sociopolitical institutions that need to be cast off for us to truly unlock our potential.

Our society IS evolving for the better. It's time we expect better from each other. The fact that we don't is where a lot of relationships fail. Not working on ourselves, self-reflecting, and seeing where we can be a better partner tomorrow than we were today is a sticking point that is practically invisible to most people because our previous generation never taught us that. How could they? Their structure kept them from needing to do that for themselves.

And that expectation of better from each other needs to come along with an openness to criticism, on BOTH sides. It needs to come with a willingness to be vulnerable to each other, from BOTH people. It needs to come with trust, and love, and forgiveness, and understanding, and listening skills, and enthusiastic intimacy, and all of those things that people seek from a relationship, but often don't get.

A ring is jewelry, and symbolic - it isn't a commitment. Your heart, your love, your intention, and your integrity - that is true commitment. Considering your partner first, and being open, and trusting, and giving - that is true commitment.

It should be expected from both people, otherwise all the ceremony and symbolism is no better or worse than a sign that says, "Last Chance to Run."

Remember

You pay into Social Security and Medicare/Medicaid directly, so when Trump says he's cutting Medicare by $5ooB, and Social Security by $80B, he's essentially taking your money out of your pocket, and reallocating it to the places he wants it to go - most likely, his pocket, and the pockets of his friends, and family. They're not entitlements, they're investments into your future. He is stealing your investments.

The Weight

I didn't weigh myself at all this week. Got to the gym once last week and needed five days to recover. I'll get there. In the meantime, I'm not going to worry much about the number the scale says. It is, after all, just the gravitational pull on my physical mass. If a broom can stand itself up despite gravity, so can I.