Tag: thoughts

Weed Day

So, 4/20 is supposed to be a big deal. Leave the milk, and cookies out for Snoop Dog, and go get high. Whatever pot smoking joke, or metaphor you want to throw out there, pot certainly does get a lot of attention.

But, why?

Mainly because a bunch of old, profiteering white men decided it was cutting into their business so they lobbied the government to make it illegal. Then Nixon came along, and started his "war on drugs" classifying marijuana into the same categories as illegal synthetics, and opioids. Ever since, "satan's lettuce" has been a big deal.

Satan's Lettuce. They even gave it a nickname including a fictional character, because their claimed negative affects of marijuana are just as fictional.

I'm not so much a defender of marijuana use as I am a defender of civil liberties, common sense, and environmental protection. Within the boundaries of making pot illegal, America has also made hemp as an industrial crop illegal. A crop that could help save thousands of acres of trees each year. That's kind of a big deal.

Why? Because the profits of one industry are valued over the profits of another. Or, they were made to be valued that way, because someone already had more money.

And as far as protecting us from the "dangers" of pot, those who claim pot to be so horrible are all pretty horrible people themselves, and we'd probably be better off making their existence illegal. My take? Pot isn't all that harmful when compared to other already legal drugs like alcohol, tobacco, and caffeine. The often used example of the "loser stoner" is misleading. We live in diversity. Some people are just that way. With or without pot, the "loser stoner" would still be a "loser" in the eyes of society in some way. There are people who use marijuana regularly that are high-functioning, and high-achievers. There are people who use it who just are people; your common, ordinary, everyday folk, and you'd probably never know they are pot smokers except for this assumed pride of pot culture that some people latch on to because of this fight to make it legal again.

Yes, again. It wasn't always illegal.

Legalize it. Stop trying to legislate some false morality that those who are legislating it don't even adhere to. Expunge the records of those in prison on minor marijuana related charges, or at least throw away those convictions, and reduce their over-all sentences if they have more to serve.

Our society doesn't NEED marijuana, but it needs a lot more common sense, and a lot less focus on trying to protect people from themselves. Not to mention, less money in government, but that's a different, albeit, related rant.

Discovering The New

Hopefully this doesn't catch on that I can blog from work, and type on a regular keyboard instead of only using my phone.

But what to blog about today? Photography stuff? Film stuff? Acting stuff? Politics? Current events? Self-evaluation, and the shortcomings of me in my life?

I don't know. I'm not sure if it's writer's block, or being overwhelmed, and not knowing where to start. I had a strong urge to blog this morning, but unfortunately I made myself so busy for the first six hours today, I ran out of things to do for the last two.

So, here we are.

How are you? Good to see you. Welcome back to my blog, that no one reads. 🙂

I'm stressed out over time right now. I have four personal projects that I am working on for Living In The Buff. The first, is working on my marketing photos, for shooting small products, food, jewelry, etc. The next step is going to be a push to get more clients who need such services, so I want to bolster my portfolio for these types of images.

Project number two: working on some video interviews with the folks I've worked with a lot on the past. This one should be fun. Especially combined with offering a free photo session to encourage collaboration.

Project three is a growing film making project. Can't talk about it right now, but it's going to be great.

Project four will be getting out, and about, and taking more artistic images of the area. My Buffalo Adventures portfolio is a little thin because I just haven't put time into taking more local, artistic shots. Mostly it's been weather. I just haven't wanted to be out in the cold so much this year, and the weather just isn't breaking. Some of it is just time allocation. There is someone I prefer spending time with, obviously, so that is more of my focus.

I need to collaborate more. Musicians, photographers, models, artists, filmmakers... everyone I can work with. I just wish I had the time, and resources to maximize those opportunities.

The Truth About Pornography

That point aside, if we want our society to stop looking at porn as an educational resource, we need to have, or create better educational resources about sex, and sexuality. If parents, and other guiding adults, aren’t talking to their children about this part of their life that is vital to their own connectivity to human kind, a relationship with another person, their own happiness, and sense of life fulfillment, then where are their kids going to learn from? Other kids who don’t know? Online resources? Do you think they’re going to research on WebMD, or PornMD? Think they’ll look up information from Planned Parenthood, or from Motherless? Are they going to watch educational videos on YouTube, or YouPorn?

I think you know the answers.

A Story About Alaska

Again, they refuse – not denying that I’m going to miss my connection. They know now I won’t be on that flight. No chance. None. But now it’s too late in the day and there are no options.

I sigh a long sigh and stand frustrated waiting for the boarding to actually begin.

A Few Notes

One, please stop sharing Rick Lax's videos on social media. They are by far the worst, and dumbest "tricks" on the interwebs.

There is so much better, and more interesting content out there.

Two, I am still in favor of dropping the voting age to 16. And I believe, if there is a minimum, there should be a maximum. Say, once you hit 70, you can no longer vote. Same reasons. There's nothing saying you're responsible enough at the point to truly understand what you're voting for, and furthermore, you're no longer deciding YOUR future. You're almost done here. Seems morbid, but it's a fact of life. Let the younger people choose the future in front of them.

I know, I've suggested that before, and people whine, "You can't do that! That's age discrimination!" Really? More so than saying a 16-year old is incapable of understanding issues, and how they impact the world, the nation, and their own lives? You're making a judgment on all young people, and thereby preventing them from voting based on an assumed ability, or capacity to handle that process, but not on older people who might actually have failing faculties? And yes, I know many very sharp, keen 70 year olds, but I also know some I wouldn't trust with the TV remote, so why is OK to blanket one age group negatively, and not another?

Discuss....

But wait... I'm almost an old person....

Sushi Bandit

If you do a web search right now on the "Sushi Bandit" you will most likely find an endless string of stories about a Utah man who repeatedly did a dine-and-dash at his local Asian style restaurants. Which is a shame, because a decade or more ago that same search would have yielded at the top of the listing an amazing blog called The Sushi Bandit.

I have been posting to this blog since December 2010. Although I have owned this name, and domain since 2005, and my official start to my latest incarnation of my photography career I consider to be 2007, it wasn't until about 2010 that I began building this site, showing off my photography here, and blogging about... everything under the sun, and under my skin.

Much of that inspiration, I have to credit to the mysterious comedic blogger who went by the name, The Sushi Bandit.

I wish I could share all of the wonders of that blog. It taught you a lot about Sushi. It was funny. It was informational. It was a deep dive into the person behind it. It was whimsical. It was sexy. Like most heterosexual men, he had a penchant for attractive females, especially Asian women, and often referred to them as his "sushi." His images often bordered on the X-rated. It was everything I would hope for a blog to be.

From it I think I absconded with some of the coolest animated GIFs going. He was a master at hunting down just the right GIF to go along with his thoughts, feelings, and what he was trying to express.

 

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say with this one, except it seems as thought the world took a big bite out of my hero of the bloggosphere. But I believe this was one I collected from his madness. His blog shut down suddenly many years ago, and it appears as though he had a failed attempt to raise funds for the goal of turning his blog into an actual book. Not sure how animated GIFs translate to a paper page, but I'm sure he would have made it work somehow. In my research, this appears to have started, and ended in 2013, and I am finding nothing more recent.

Like mine, the Sushi Bandit's blog wasn't posted to daily. Sometimes there would be multiple posts in a day, sometimes it would be untouched by the author for weeks, or months. I guess that's the nature of blogging.

So in the spirit of inspiring others, and continuing legacies, I want to work on making this blog a better, more interesting, and more inspiring place for people to go. However, I can't just read your mind with an eye scan as you glance with disinterest at what I already have here. I need to know what would make this more interesting for everyone.

 

Sure, that's one of the basics, right? Make it sexier? Except no one wants to see me remove my clothes... like, ever, so aside from photographing much better looking people than myself, or adding in similar "sushi" content such as...

 

Or creepy content such as...

Or just funny or weird content...

I guess my question is, does it make a difference?

Here is your chance: what would make this blog more of an inspiration to you, or at least get you to read it more often?

Or, in the case of all 7 billion of you on this planet, read it at all.

Depression

The problem with depression is the cyclical nature of it.

How do you motivate yourself to do something as anxiety provoking as calling a suicide prevention line when you can't even motivate yourself to get out of bed, and face every day life?

When anxiety has you so wrung that you can barely face going to your mailbox or answering your phone, how can you take difficult steps needed to protect yourself from yourself?

On The Future

The experiences of our past shape who we are. They often help us determine our course of action in the future. Although we can't let bad experiences fill us with fear, preventing us from creating good, positive experiences in the future, we would be fools to not mind the lessons we've learned.

In relationships, we need to be able to approach new people, and new opportunities with an open heart. When we find that person that we truly want to be with, and who wants to be with us, we should be able to put down our defenses, and be vulnerable. We can relax in an openness of self, willing to give from our core energy, and open to accepting what they give. Past misgivings from other relationships need to be dealt with on an emotional level. The hurt given to us through life, whether it be with other interpersonal relationships, damage done by strangers, or just the inevitabilities, or random events that cause us pain, and grief, need to be dealt with on an emotional level so that we can come to terms with that hurt, end our grieving, and accept the good things that are ahead of us.

However, red flags are red flags. If that special someone starts exhibiting concerning behavior, it shouldn't go ignored. Frank, and direct conversations about it, expressing concerns, and the feelings generated by their behavior should be initiated long before those behaviors do damage. From there you will get a sense of how your partner wants to deal with it.

Do they listen to your concerns? Do they get defensive? Do they try to turn it back on you, or do they engage in a dialogue while accepting their own responsibility to your feelings? Do they apologize curtly, and try to end, or steer the discussion elsewhere? Do they continue to exhibit the same behavior afterward?

Take notes. I know that sounds formal, but keep a journal or a diary. Don't just rely on your memory, which might be clouded by emotions while engaging in such conversations. Keep notes in case you need to look back, and remind yourself how things happened, what was said, how it transpired. It will help keep you from feeling crazy if your partner is trying to gaslight you, or manipulate you.

But, you have to deal with you first. Take some long, hard, critical looks at your past. FEEL the feelings, and emotions tied up within your experiences. Get professional counseling if you think you can't resolve those past feelings. Trust me, talking out all of the jumbles of thoughts, and feelings that can sometimes overwhelm is vital, and helpful.

Most importantly, don't assume the worst of a person just because things can sometimes be difficult, or even more, just because your past has been difficult. Talk it out. Talk it out. Talk it out. Be open, be honest, especially with yourself. If your partner can't handle your honesty, your feelings, or what you want from your relationship, they're probably not the right one for you...

Cutting Close To The Bone

God showed these to me. I know, that's a pretty strange statement for an atheist, but it's this god, not YOUR god...

Anyway, after this week, these are so close to the truth, they literally hurt for me to read. Major props to Holly Chisholm for being able to illustrate just how things often feel...

This is often how I feel in the morning, when I wake up alone. Sometimes it's not even waking up in the morning. Sometimes, no matter where I am, I just feel too heavy to move myself...
...which is also this. Even when I know I have to do something, or I should, it feel like all of my energy is lost simply figuring out how to get started.

 

Which is why hurt takes me so far off task. I try to not let myself be hurt, but my world is pretty heartless at times...

 

And this would help SO much.

 

But, alas, there aren't many places, or people where I feel that I'm good enough, ever.
So I often hide in music that can drown out those thoughts. Sometimes, it even stops me from sleeping because being in bed is time to think....

 

Which also reminds me of how I've been taught to not like myself, even when I tell myself I should love myself...

 

I think it started because of people. And people are always the fuel that revives it...
And even when I think things are under control, and going well, I know something terrible is always looming.

 

Which is why when I look up from the well I'm stuck in, my sky is often filled with dark, gloomy clouds.

 

 

Go love her work.

Old Thoughts, Current Feelings

June 20, 2010

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How amazing life is.

..sometimes I have to remember to consider all the wealth I have in my life right now. Especially my kids.

Saturday they helped me get the picnic tables and benches out of winter storage at their house. A few of the benches out-weigh the boys but they worked together to move them. As a reward, they got the first of several of my old, steel Tonka trucks that I had when I was their age. They're all still in good shape and have been in storage for ages. A bulldozer. They were excited, even if the weekend's activities prevented them from using it much.

My daughter asked me what she could earn when she helps out. I asked her what she wanted. She said, to spend more time with me.

I cried.

I cried again today when she gave me her fathers day gift she had been working on. Sea shells glued to a board and a poem. It was beautiful.

She also made the suggestion of getting me a wok for father's day. It amazes me how much she listens to me and knows me.

It amazes me how good all three of them really are. They're young; they will wander, and get distracted so shopping trips are non stop efforts to keep them moving, to stay on task. Of course we take breaks at the samples and demonstration tables - hey, if they're letting you try something new, I'm all for it! But there is never a fight over what we get or don't get. I never have that battle of endless, "I want! Can we get this?" and of course, never the ensuing tantrum when the answer is "not this time," like I see so many other parents deal with.

I see those parents. Sometimes I lose my patience too. Sometimes I have to step back, take a deep breath and remind myself, they're kids. Step back and remind myself to be patient and keep a level head, even when the youngest draws on the side of my car with a rock... *ahem* He's five. It's a car. He is more important.

Yesterday he had a great time at the party we went to with the lady offering face painting. And then he painted her's. Absolute hilarity, but I'm sure in his mind it was a masterpiece.

The middle child is my tough guy, with a sensitive heart. He is the one who stands by me in the rain, helping cut roots of a fallen tree. The one who will join me in tackling a task. The one who will look at a scrape or a cut and say, "Eh, I'm fine... but can I get a band-aid?" But his heart breaks so quickly - like when he's playing a game of kick-ball with his cousins and they won't throw him the ball because they don't trust he can catch it. For those times, we sit and talk, and he listens, and his heart slowly mends.

I'm blessed by these three.

Today we went and took pictures. I love capturing their faces, naturally. Having fun, smiling... today's subject was taste-testing citrus fruits: lemons, limes, grapefruit and oranges, and capturing their reactions. We juggled fruit, we threw them at each other. I captured a lot of amazing pictures.

..but every picture of them to me is amazing.

At the end of it, my daughter and I took the remaining lemons and made lemonade.

*sigh*

I have a lot in life to be thankful for, but little compares to them.