Tag: love

Discovering The New

Hopefully this doesn't catch on that I can blog from work, and type on a regular keyboard instead of only using my phone.

But what to blog about today? Photography stuff? Film stuff? Acting stuff? Politics? Current events? Self-evaluation, and the shortcomings of me in my life?

I don't know. I'm not sure if it's writer's block, or being overwhelmed, and not knowing where to start. I had a strong urge to blog this morning, but unfortunately I made myself so busy for the first six hours today, I ran out of things to do for the last two.

So, here we are.

How are you? Good to see you. Welcome back to my blog, that no one reads. 🙂

I'm stressed out over time right now. I have four personal projects that I am working on for Living In The Buff. The first, is working on my marketing photos, for shooting small products, food, jewelry, etc. The next step is going to be a push to get more clients who need such services, so I want to bolster my portfolio for these types of images.

Project number two: working on some video interviews with the folks I've worked with a lot on the past. This one should be fun. Especially combined with offering a free photo session to encourage collaboration.

Project three is a growing film making project. Can't talk about it right now, but it's going to be great.

Project four will be getting out, and about, and taking more artistic images of the area. My Buffalo Adventures portfolio is a little thin because I just haven't put time into taking more local, artistic shots. Mostly it's been weather. I just haven't wanted to be out in the cold so much this year, and the weather just isn't breaking. Some of it is just time allocation. There is someone I prefer spending time with, obviously, so that is more of my focus.

I need to collaborate more. Musicians, photographers, models, artists, filmmakers... everyone I can work with. I just wish I had the time, and resources to maximize those opportunities.

The Truth About Pornography

That point aside, if we want our society to stop looking at porn as an educational resource, we need to have, or create better educational resources about sex, and sexuality. If parents, and other guiding adults, aren’t talking to their children about this part of their life that is vital to their own connectivity to human kind, a relationship with another person, their own happiness, and sense of life fulfillment, then where are their kids going to learn from? Other kids who don’t know? Online resources? Do you think they’re going to research on WebMD, or PornMD? Think they’ll look up information from Planned Parenthood, or from Motherless? Are they going to watch educational videos on YouTube, or YouPorn?

I think you know the answers.

Guess Who

Guess who landed the headline VIP slot at this year's Buffalo Goes Gatsby event?

That's right, Cortney Chyme.

She has assembled a Super Group of musicians for this one, so I put together this little poster for them to use in social media. People seem to really like it!

I got all Art-Deco on this beyotch....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The event is going to be incredible. I love the music they already have arranged for it!

Shine On, You Crazy Diamond

Stephen looked up at her, unsure of what to do next. She was still topless. Her wet, brown hair cascaded down her shoulders, framing her round cheeks, and green eyes. She smiled at him, as their eyes locked. Her smile dimples triggered his nostalgia. The droplets of water rolling down her brown skin, onto her bare breasts triggered his body.

On The Future

The experiences of our past shape who we are. They often help us determine our course of action in the future. Although we can't let bad experiences fill us with fear, preventing us from creating good, positive experiences in the future, we would be fools to not mind the lessons we've learned.

In relationships, we need to be able to approach new people, and new opportunities with an open heart. When we find that person that we truly want to be with, and who wants to be with us, we should be able to put down our defenses, and be vulnerable. We can relax in an openness of self, willing to give from our core energy, and open to accepting what they give. Past misgivings from other relationships need to be dealt with on an emotional level. The hurt given to us through life, whether it be with other interpersonal relationships, damage done by strangers, or just the inevitabilities, or random events that cause us pain, and grief, need to be dealt with on an emotional level so that we can come to terms with that hurt, end our grieving, and accept the good things that are ahead of us.

However, red flags are red flags. If that special someone starts exhibiting concerning behavior, it shouldn't go ignored. Frank, and direct conversations about it, expressing concerns, and the feelings generated by their behavior should be initiated long before those behaviors do damage. From there you will get a sense of how your partner wants to deal with it.

Do they listen to your concerns? Do they get defensive? Do they try to turn it back on you, or do they engage in a dialogue while accepting their own responsibility to your feelings? Do they apologize curtly, and try to end, or steer the discussion elsewhere? Do they continue to exhibit the same behavior afterward?

Take notes. I know that sounds formal, but keep a journal or a diary. Don't just rely on your memory, which might be clouded by emotions while engaging in such conversations. Keep notes in case you need to look back, and remind yourself how things happened, what was said, how it transpired. It will help keep you from feeling crazy if your partner is trying to gaslight you, or manipulate you.

But, you have to deal with you first. Take some long, hard, critical looks at your past. FEEL the feelings, and emotions tied up within your experiences. Get professional counseling if you think you can't resolve those past feelings. Trust me, talking out all of the jumbles of thoughts, and feelings that can sometimes overwhelm is vital, and helpful.

Most importantly, don't assume the worst of a person just because things can sometimes be difficult, or even more, just because your past has been difficult. Talk it out. Talk it out. Talk it out. Be open, be honest, especially with yourself. If your partner can't handle your honesty, your feelings, or what you want from your relationship, they're probably not the right one for you...

Cutting Close To The Bone

God showed these to me. I know, that's a pretty strange statement for an atheist, but it's this god, not YOUR god...

Anyway, after this week, these are so close to the truth, they literally hurt for me to read. Major props to Holly Chisholm for being able to illustrate just how things often feel...

This is often how I feel in the morning, when I wake up alone. Sometimes it's not even waking up in the morning. Sometimes, no matter where I am, I just feel too heavy to move myself...
...which is also this. Even when I know I have to do something, or I should, it feel like all of my energy is lost simply figuring out how to get started.

 

Which is why hurt takes me so far off task. I try to not let myself be hurt, but my world is pretty heartless at times...

 

And this would help SO much.

 

But, alas, there aren't many places, or people where I feel that I'm good enough, ever.
So I often hide in music that can drown out those thoughts. Sometimes, it even stops me from sleeping because being in bed is time to think....

 

Which also reminds me of how I've been taught to not like myself, even when I tell myself I should love myself...

 

I think it started because of people. And people are always the fuel that revives it...
And even when I think things are under control, and going well, I know something terrible is always looming.

 

Which is why when I look up from the well I'm stuck in, my sky is often filled with dark, gloomy clouds.

 

 

Go love her work.

Old Thoughts, Current Feelings

June 20, 2010

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How amazing life is.

..sometimes I have to remember to consider all the wealth I have in my life right now. Especially my kids.

Saturday they helped me get the picnic tables and benches out of winter storage at their house. A few of the benches out-weigh the boys but they worked together to move them. As a reward, they got the first of several of my old, steel Tonka trucks that I had when I was their age. They're all still in good shape and have been in storage for ages. A bulldozer. They were excited, even if the weekend's activities prevented them from using it much.

My daughter asked me what she could earn when she helps out. I asked her what she wanted. She said, to spend more time with me.

I cried.

I cried again today when she gave me her fathers day gift she had been working on. Sea shells glued to a board and a poem. It was beautiful.

She also made the suggestion of getting me a wok for father's day. It amazes me how much she listens to me and knows me.

It amazes me how good all three of them really are. They're young; they will wander, and get distracted so shopping trips are non stop efforts to keep them moving, to stay on task. Of course we take breaks at the samples and demonstration tables - hey, if they're letting you try something new, I'm all for it! But there is never a fight over what we get or don't get. I never have that battle of endless, "I want! Can we get this?" and of course, never the ensuing tantrum when the answer is "not this time," like I see so many other parents deal with.

I see those parents. Sometimes I lose my patience too. Sometimes I have to step back, take a deep breath and remind myself, they're kids. Step back and remind myself to be patient and keep a level head, even when the youngest draws on the side of my car with a rock... *ahem* He's five. It's a car. He is more important.

Yesterday he had a great time at the party we went to with the lady offering face painting. And then he painted her's. Absolute hilarity, but I'm sure in his mind it was a masterpiece.

The middle child is my tough guy, with a sensitive heart. He is the one who stands by me in the rain, helping cut roots of a fallen tree. The one who will join me in tackling a task. The one who will look at a scrape or a cut and say, "Eh, I'm fine... but can I get a band-aid?" But his heart breaks so quickly - like when he's playing a game of kick-ball with his cousins and they won't throw him the ball because they don't trust he can catch it. For those times, we sit and talk, and he listens, and his heart slowly mends.

I'm blessed by these three.

Today we went and took pictures. I love capturing their faces, naturally. Having fun, smiling... today's subject was taste-testing citrus fruits: lemons, limes, grapefruit and oranges, and capturing their reactions. We juggled fruit, we threw them at each other. I captured a lot of amazing pictures.

..but every picture of them to me is amazing.

At the end of it, my daughter and I took the remaining lemons and made lemonade.

*sigh*

I have a lot in life to be thankful for, but little compares to them.

 

 

 

 

More Video Fun

LIVE! At the Palladium!

No, sorry, it was just the Buffalo Pizza & Ale House. But Cortney Chyme had to fill in for Derek Mediak of the Derek Mediak Band who was recovering from strep.

Check out these awesome rock renditions of classic alternative rock songs!

Buffalo Event Photography

If you frequent my blog, or my website here in general, you might notice changes happening right before your eyes.

I'm in the process of rebuilding all of my galleries. This is a huge, time consuming endeavor. I have to sort through literally tens of thousands of photos from over ten years of photography work.  The main focus however is event photography. I have been the photographer for Yelp.com events in Buffalo for over five years. I've covered two World's Largest Discos, three Witches Balls, and countless other events, large, and small, for various organizations, performers, and individuals.

I have to build the galleries, make sure all images are right-sized, watermarked, and their cleanest version. 

http://buffaloeventphotography.com is now active, and will take you directly to my new Event Photography Page. Other portfolio elements are changing, being cleaned out, and getting a whole new look as well, but it's a living work. It will hopefully never stop growing!

Feel free to peruse the new elements, and let me know what you think!