We set these ideals that we fail to achieve
Expecting of others what we won’t even give
The understanding, and forgiveness
For just being flawed humans
Wanting acceptance
But offering judgement
Demanding passion
But living within our walls
Holding tight to our comfort zones
And later regretting our inaction
The concept of that things will change based on a random location of the Earth in its orbit around the Sun seems kind of silly, doesn’t it? Aside from financial expectations created by the government, and banking institutions, what truly changes on January 1st? Not much. So don’t look for resolutions here. I’m going to continue on my personal growth paths, and do my best to keep myself in line with what I am trying to achieve.
How the world can break under the weight of sorrow, but is a pain that is worth owning if only for the moments of love, and the risk spent in having love, and embracing the moments.
It is hard to comprehend nothing when you have lived, and experienced so much. Our memories are a footprint in the sand that we don’t want to see washed away. The love we share, we don’t want to know that those we give it to will somehow be without it. We don’t want to be forgotten by the people that we love, or the legacies that we leave. We want to know what happens. We want to see where this crazy humanity thing goes.
This is the Buffalo I want to know, and want everyone to see. The Buffalo that works hard to welcome refugees from all over the world. The Buffalo that helps people get a new start. The Buffalo that appreciates, and cherishes the cultural differences that those who find a new home here share with us, and celebrate the traditions of others, while sharing some of our own traditions with them.
No matter what number is placed on my age some things simply don’t change. I still examine my life, and myself with the most critical of eyes. I still wonder, when examining how others respond to me, how I am failing them, and I see my flaws at every turn. I still spiral into bouts of depression, and struggle to manage to motivate myself even under the crushing weight of the thoughts of all that I need to accomplish. That is probably my toughest balance: convincing my brain to stop thinking such horrible things about myself, while the anxiety of failure, and not accomplishing what I need to do fuels that spiral like a warm ocean fuels a hurricane.
It is destructive when it finally hits land.
Can’t be down for too long; when the tide rises you end up underneath it if you’re not willing to stand tall before it reaches you.
And here you were
Laughing, and enjoying the day
Smiling, and whiling away
The summer breeze
With your sunburned knees
And me
There is a lot to experience in this life. So much that there will always be something new to want to experience. It doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate what I have experienced, or what is before me, but why should I rest in contentment when there can be SO MUCH MORE?
It’s like for someone who enjoys nature, or traveling. You find one of those favorite places, like camping in the mountains, or hiking a certain trail, or a restaurant in a nearby city. You enjoy it. You let the details of the experience seep into your core every time you visit it, and experience it. You appreciate what that place offers, and you look forward to it every time. But that doesn’t mean you don’t want to try a new trail next time, or go visit a different city, or experience a new country. The want of those new experiences doesn’t mean you don’t appreciate the experiences that you’ve had, or are having.
It doesn’t mean you don’t notice changes. It doesn’t mean you don’t cherish what you have.
How can I critique what I did? Or how can I even enjoy my work after the fact if I never get to see it?