August 23, 2009

 

Quiet evening… fresh bread, hummus and red a good cabernet… listening to good music and letting the stress of the day melt away…

So much happens every day it seems; too much to even keep track of.  Hours awake grow longer, trying to pack more and more into each day…  sleep lessens and the need for it wanes…  those pesky wrinkles on the backs of my hands grow more defined..

I took my kids for a swim this evening, which is never good for my skin, but if I had a soul, it would be good for it.  The night air is so crisp and the sky so clear.  As we walked back to their house tonight my oldest son looked up at the sky and said, “Oh, there’s the big dipper!” just in time for all of us to look up at this famous constellation and catch a shooting star streaking across the night sky.

There is something magical about that.

To make that wish.  To live in the shoes of a child, for just a second more.

But thoughts have pervaded in my mind all day… too many bad thoughts.  Too much for me some days… too much.

Sometimes, they have to be exposed….

You wear hope like yesterday’s fashions
And the fads that come to pass
With the arrival of tomorrow
Fighting against your static possessions
And embellishing all these things that you call love

These misgivings you deem tragic
An affront to the person you see yourself as
In your fun-house mirror life
Straightening the jagged edges
That you’ve worked so hard to hide

Pearl white shoes don your feet
Resisting the mud slung up
By the dance of avoidance
On your imaginary yellow-brick road
Your path to the salvation of normalcy

And with the simplicity of a click of your heels
Everything will be alright again

But the warmth of your heart
Suffers beneath the cold of your skin
And the burning heat you claim to own
Is smoldering ashes that never touched a flame

No other shoes will fit your feet
And your rose colored glasses
Cloud your vision
Keeping you from seeing
The smoke from the disasters you leave behind

While this brass holds cold to my hand
I am aching to move away from it
To step away
To find my way
Away

But this tether
The web you spin
Seemingly from nothingness
Offering unconditional support
“It’s alright, I will catch you.”
You call from the past
“I will catch you, you’ll see.”

But a hapless fly could not see
What you offered
Suffocation
As all you ensnare
Twists in the wind

And a single flake falls back to your skin
Disguised as the ember
You pronounce as your awakening
From a fire remaining
In a winter’s slumber

Cherished as this daily ring of gold
Is replaced by a nightly handle of brass
Offering a distance
Beyond the quiet drum beats
And hypnotizing highway lights
Beyond a clear night sky
Shinning like the fake glass jewels
You hold dearer than love

And I breathe

Free me of these shackles of ice
And lift me from the crushing smoke and smolder

I can breathe

And still you cry
While I seek the lights
Until I die