And I quote:

"When I saw that fat man keel over and die - Michael, we don't have a lot of time on this earth! We weren't meant to spend it this way. Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about mission statements."

-- Peter Gibbons, Office Space, 1999

It's baffling that this movie is almost 20 years old. A classic that I watched often while traveling. This quote holds true, still. How many people are in pointless jobs where they basically sit in front of a computer every day, and mainly kill time doing things that are neither fulfilling, nor interesting? It is sad, it is frustrating, and it is wasting the precious time we have on Earth. And, why? Because we have to buy things. We have to pay for things. That is how our economy, our society, and our world is set up to work.

"I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind’s sole purpose on this planet. If you’re wondering what I believe our purpose on this planet is, I’ll give you a hint: It has to do with creating and sharing."

-- Bill Hicks

Right? Right there. That. What is this? Why are we doing what we do? We have so little time here. Let's CREATE EPIC SHIT!

Are you broken?

A friend of mine posted on Facebook yesterday:

"How are men out here demanding women who aren't damaged... but spend a lifetime damaging women. #riddlemethat"

As you can see, the post has garnered a lot of attention. I'm sure given this statement in a less public forum, everyone would have an opinion. Coming from her own perspective, and knowing the public events Rachel tends to be a part of, from marketing, to brand ambassadorship, to cosplay, she has undoubtedly had her share of experiences, both inside, and outside of relationships, with men who simply put, miss the mark.

Damaged. That's kind of the fulcrum of the statement here. You can put men, and women on either side of the fulcrum, whether in heterosexual, homosexual, social, professional - whatever kind of relationship you want to observe - that damage will always be in the middle, and often act as the tipping point in a relationship. Suspicion, distrust, game-playing, mental, and emotional issues, to out right narcissistic manipulation, "damage" will always be there both as a cause, and an effect, causing the relationship tip in either direction. Now, this isn't a statement in defense of men, or women, nor is it any accusation to any individual, or the perspective expressed by Rachel in her post. But as with all obstacles in life, you cannot overcome them without examining why they are there, and finding solutions that get to the root of them.

A friend of mine once told me that I only date broken people. Broken people are "my type" because I'm a fixer, and a healer, and I like to fix people's broken parts. That is her opinion.

My counter to that is of course, everyone is at least a little broken, and those things that are broken - the damage - is part of what makes the difference as to who is drawn to me. After all, there are 7.4 Billion people in this world. 99.999999% of them won't find me attractive as a partner. That's just the truth of it. But those very few that do, do so for a reason, and once past the superficial, the relationship will grow only if my damage is something they can handle, and their damage is something that I can handle. It either works on that level, or it doesn't.

It takes a lot of self-reflection to see your own damage, and to understand both how others have impacted you, and how your actions impact others. If you, at any age, are looking for a partner who isn't damaged, you're being lazy, and probably have not been willing to work on yourself, or work on being a good partner to someone else.

And when I say good partner, I don't just mean, "Are you nice?"

Have you listened? When the other person states a need, do you respond to validate, and meet that need, or do you use that need as leverage in the relationship? When the other person states a fear, do you acknowledge it, and show the other person through your actions that you will do your best to not trigger that fear, or do you play that fear to control them? Do you allow your partner to be vulnerable, or do you take advantage of any perceived vulnerabilities? You HAVE to examine how you treat others, in a very deep sense. If it is the damage you don't want, you have to put efforts toward allowing them to let it go.

That's it - bottom line. There's no such thing as an undamaged person, but to understand someone else's damage, to understand what they need, and to understand who you need to be in order to not add to that damage takes effort. A lot of effort. Effort that very few people are willing to put into a relationship. When the old idiom of, "It takes a lot of effort and work to make a marriage successful," is tossed about, THIS IS A BIG PART OF WHAT THAT IS TALKING ABOUT. But it starts with you. How willing are you to dig into your own damage, and deal with it? Are you jaded? Have you put up walls? Do you think having the relationship that you want is a hopeless dream? Bitter? Guarded? Do you shelve yourself fearing rejection, disappointment, and hurt?

It starts with you. And if you aren't working on you, guess what - that person that you thought was damaged, is saying the same about you.

Analogy time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The equations, and math salad in these images represent the collective experiences of Mary, and Joe, and how they have internalized, and processed them through time. Now, unless you're a brilliant mathematician like my girlfriend, and can actually solve most of this, if you don't take your time, learn the theories, and processes that can help you solve every equation, you're not going to figure out what Mary, or Joe are all about. Joe won't understand Mary, and Mary won't understand Joe, and in a relationship they're going to think of each other as damaged. But the same goes for themselves. If Mary doesn't understand her own equations, or how to solve them, and likewise Joe doesn't understand his own, neither of them can adequately present themselves to each other. So, then what's left?

"You're pretty."

"I like your abs."

"Wanna fuck?"

"Ok."

And this is what society has boiled us down to. Yes, mental, and emotional issues play into all of this. Very few of us are psychologists, or psychiatrists - and even psychiatrists have bad relationships, because people are just THAT complicated when it comes down to it.

This is complicated. People as individuals are complicated. Put two people together, and you're mashing together all of those complications at once, but driving people are those basic, reptilian brain instincts of, be social, have sex, have babies, don't die alone. Loneliness sucks, and most people would rather be miserable with someone than happily alone, and trying to solve their own equations. Add in what society expects, and how unreasonable it tends to be - for example, everyone needs to be the perfect worker to meet the needs of the "company" but the company allows for very little individualism, or creativity, which adds additional pressure to the psyche of the individual. The media tells us the most important things are looks, and money, while 99% of us are pretty average looking, and ranging anywhere between broke, and doing ok.

This is really complicated. But it isn't about who is damaging who, or what damage we all have. We have to start putting more effort into understanding ourselves, having patience with each other, and recognizing the things that truly matter in our world. There's no one right answer, or easy answer, or magic pill. As I've said before, we're still a young species, and not far removed from our animalistic roots. We're evolving. We keep trying to stop that evolution, and it complicates things. Our collective awareness is stunted, and our perspectives are tainted.

We'll either get there, or we'll die out. But given the number of people who complain about how others are damaged, yet still fuck, and make babies, we'll have to wipe ourselves out on purpose to go that route.

I post my Weigh-In Wednesdays now in my blog. Part of that is to keep myself accountable for my physical health goals. My relationships keep me accountable for my emotional, and spiritual health goals. If I'm not being a good partner, I need to change things. Self-reflection through conscious thought, and meditation are what I use to make sure I'm taking care of my brain, and my soul. It's vital. Mental health is just as important as physical health. You can't reduce the damage that the world does to you without examining how your behaviors reflect that damage, and how you impact the people who mean the most to you.

Since When Should it Take An Hour To Drive 17 Miles in Buffalo?

Going back to a previous blog article, the traffic around Buffalo is getting oppressively maddening. I refuse to simply blame "people who text and drive." That's a cop-out. Traffic was bad when I used to have to commute from Williamsville back to West Seneca in the 90s when there were no cell-phones, but in the Buffalo area there just seems to be no good reason why we're all stopped in the parking lot of traffic on the I-290 and I-90 every day. Construction be damned, it's a highway. There's no intersections. There are no cars turning left. This goes against all logic. Either the highway merge extensions need to be modified, or we absolutely need a rule restricting the types of traffic that can be on the road, or where they are allowed to be. How about a HOV lane? How about express lanes where people can just go as fast as they want? How about just re-testing drivers, and making sure they're not idiots who panic at the slightest hint of traffic volume, or raindrops?

I still say vehicles over 5-tons with the exception of mass-transit should be banned from using highways between 6-9AM and 3-6PM.

I have nothing else today. Thanks for reading my gibberish!