Weigh-in this morning was still at 213.2. Not bad for a week with no gym time, and far too much indulgence. I've been too busy lately to do any actual grocery shopping, or cook a meal., or get to the gym. I know many of you might say, "but you have to make time to take care of yourself..." Sorry, just not happening right now. It's that time of the year when I have too much on my plate. Jobs, business, kids, soccer, all the "spring cleaning" stuff that has been on the back burner waiting for better weather. There isn't much of it I can really say I won't do in favor of silly things like cooking for myself. So we've been ordering out, and going out to eat far too much. Yet, the number has stayed steady.

Perhaps indulgence is the key?

It would help if I had a different job. Sitting at a desk 8 hours every day is both frustrating, and counter productive to these goals. Still seeking a new day-time gig. Anyone got anything good? Remote, or virtual work? Telecommute? Work from home? Spending the day snuggling Rika while working would in fact be ideal.

Black & White or in Living Color?

You know, when it comes down to it, we're all a little right, and a little wrong on all issues impacting humanity. If you think all people are bad, you're wrong. Some are, most aren't. That's how it has always been. If you think people will always do the right thing, you're wrong. Most people will, but plenty of people won't.

We're animals. We haven't gotten past that yet. Self-serving, survival instinct driven, animals. Some just really haven't gotten past that, or anywhere near it. But that's the spectrum of humanity. Very little is ever black and white, so believing anything is truly black and white, you're probably not being honest with yourself.

It's Thursday

I'm still writing this. Work as been extra busy, and with other work on top of work, I haven't had time to think. Last night I worked until past 11:00PM, so today I'm extra tired, and the last hour of this job is dragging at a slow, slow pace. 

I actually just received an emailed compliment from a user that I helped, and they copied my manager here on it. I got his kudos, and thanks on the email, but it doesn't mean much here I don't think. It did remind me of a job I had about 7 years ago though where if you wanted to actually keep your job, you had to seek out such compliments, constantly, and save them to present in reviews later. It was literally the most childish, and unprofessional environment I ever worked in. I was managing children who expected me to drive their careers forward, whether it was deserving or not, and fight with the company to pay them bonuses, whether they achieved them or not. And not achieving those bonuses was disastrous to so many of them. To the point of crying, threats, attitude toward me because they didn't hit their goals.

The constant dishonesty, double-standards, and in the end, the company basically demanding I lie to my subordinates when they came up with a new cost-cutting compensation plan was pretty much when I knew it wasn't the place for me. Well, I knew that months prior, but that was really kind of the "I give up" moment. It was no longer worth it.

At least here I do my job, I go home. There's reasonable, adult expectations, and I have little responsibility. Still, as stated above, it's not really where I want to be.

It's what I'm settling for.

But the  overall business climate of employment these days is both disturbing, and disappointing. I haven't received formal training starting a job or contract since about 2010. I've completed compliance exam, after compliance exam for most of my jobs, and 95% of them have meant nothing to the actual job I was/am performing. From my perspective, no manager, director, or supervisor has ever shown they actually care about my advancement. My job at Brooks, the number of times VP's came into my office to discuss what I needed  for my job, and my department, I could count on one hand. I was there for over 3 years. I saw the CEO in my office twice, and both times she was just making friendly rounds, and handing out candy for a holiday. 

I don't need candy. I didn't want candy. I would have liked training relevant to my job.

Not once was I asked, "What are your goals?" If it isn't asked, I assume it doesn't matter.

I had a job where the owner would come into my office every day to talk about his problems. I felt like a counselor, but that wasn't my job. I was there for six months before he decided I wasn't needed, mostly because I did what was needed, and his product wasn't racking in the money he anticipated. I can't even begin to describe the jobs that I wasn't at even that long.

This is why I have run my own businesses for most of my adult life. I can only be angry with myself when I'm calling the shots, if I don't get what I need.

It's Friday

I've been working on this for 3 days now. Partial writer's block, partial pre-occupied.

It's Tuesday

Had to get through the whole Memorial Day weekend thing. No time to write or work on much. I have some projects in the works, and those got my attention. However, this morning I did add an acceptance tick-box to my contact form page here on my site. I have been receiving an increased number of spam messages via the contact form as my site grows in exposure, and popularity, so it's time to work on curtailing that a bit. So, if you want a membership, or to send a message here, be sure to check the "I am human!" verification. It's a bit small on the form, but hopefully it will thwart bots, or spammers using the form for their nefarious deeds.

In thinking of Memorial Day, why is it that we celebrate a day where we honor those who died "for our country" via parades, and barbecues, and picnics, and going to the beach, and etc... etc...? Ok, you might argue that these activities represent the freedom that they fought, and died for, but does it really? Are the freedoms they fought, and died for outlined in our Constitution, the Bill of Rights, and the standing amendments thereafter? Wouldn't a more appropriate celebration involve a solemn tribute, a protest directed at the ways our nation isn't protecting our freedoms, an evaluation, and dedication to maintaining the separation of church and state so that individual rights stop being trampled by faux morality? Can't we celebrate our freedoms by buying a newspaper, and saying thank you to the journalists that act as a watchdog for our democracy?  How about a few minutes on that day to make sure we're maintaining a "well regulated militia" and not just letting people of varying mental health capabilities buy guns all over the country? 

If these things aren't our focus, then what are you thanking vets for? Stopping the Nazis? We still have Nazis. They're currently being coddled by the GOP, and the right-wing media. Fighting against non-existent threats to our democracy in Vietnam? Korea? Middle East? Please recognize these were wars of ideology, and resource acquisition, not threats to our nation. 

Oh yeah, the 9/11 attacks...  most of the perpetrators were Saudis. We just sold them another $8B in military equipment. 

It's not about protection.

I feel more empathy for the families of our fallen. No one has a child with the hopes that they lose that child at a young age in a meaningless war. I spent more time on Memorial day remembering war is something we should have evolved away from eons ago, but resource ownership still dominates our societies, and the common people are the pawns of the wealthy. We still allow ideologies to control our societies, instead of focusing on what is best for humanity, and our planet. Oh yeah, and it's all pretty meaningless if we destroy the livability of our planet, yet a lot of you keep voting for war-mongering, religion-bent, science-denying sociopaths based on stupid ideological platforms. That is a war that will eventually kill more people than you can even consider... 

Maybe the best way to remember those who sacrificed their lives for our "nation" would be to learn the lessons we should have learned from those wars in the first place, and work at making our nation a better place, instead of what we're doing now... otherwise, what did they sacrifice for?

It's Wednesday Again

We've come full circle in a week of writer's block, and a wide range of responsibilities, frustrations, and lacking any time to work properly on blog articles.

Today's number is 212.6.  Decent change for a week. If I could lose a half of a pound, to a pound weekly for the rest of the year I'd be happier with myself.

One exciting bit of new from the week between, I received a rough cut version of a short film I acted in for an RIT Film Student project, entitled Breathe. In this one, I portrayed a high-school swim coach. I got to do a lot of yelling, and blowing a whistle loudly in an echoey pool. Fun!  Here are some screen captures of me in action, and in polo shirts, and holding a clipboard:

 

I really want to do more acting, but I've become limited as to what I can do, and when. Now with two jobs, and photography/video production picking up, and of course, soccer season...  my time is quite limited, and taking out of town jobs is suddenly unrealistic unless they pay well, which is also unrealistic for a non-union actor.

Heck, I haven't even had time to submit auditions. It's quite disappointing. 

Maybe getting thinner, and hitting the gym more will open up more possibilities. I don't find too many casting calls that request an out-of-shape, middle-aged, bald, white guy.... unless the role is a cop. *eye rolls* 

One Last Thought

Many of you know for a day job, I work for a very large company. My role here is in the IT department, to solve issues for users. The daily challenge is, many of the issues that I am asked to work on are not issues that I can resolve. The company's IT services are sectioned off into silos, where each silo has very specific roles, and responsibilities. Because everything in IT is intertwined, those roles, and responsibilities often blur between silos, and when one silo can't solve the issue, they dump the issue on me to solve. Except, I'm not really given the resources, and structure needed to resolve many of these issues without having to seek assistance from the other silos who constantly want to claim it isn't their responsibility, even though the issues clearly fall into their realms of responsibility.  Finding individuals that can help clear issues is a drawn-out, and frustrating task.  The longer term employees in my department often can't answer questions clearly, and rarely does anyone in any silo know how the other silos work, or who has what responsibility, and who can answer what questions. Frustrating. Very frustrating.

But let's break this down to an even more basic reality:

I work with 90% men. I go into the men's room, and constantly find there is urine all over toilet seats, the toilet, and the floor. 

If you can't trust these people to piss accurately, why are they being trusted with millions of dollars of technology, infrastructure, and security?