So this week will be a short one with the holiday, and probably a slow one work wise. It also presents challenges in other parts of life. With businesses, and government agencies closed for the holidays, things fall behind as we lose days. The year is winding down quickly, and time is becoming short. Schedules are all thrown off. Gym time might not happen. Struggling to get past holiday over-indulgence will challenge me. The weigh-in will actually happen on Thursday, pushed back from the holiday interruption.
Some have asked me, "Why Wednesday?" Why do I publish this blog on Wednesday? Well, aside from the obvious alliteration of Weigh-In Wednesday, it's a halfway point between the days that I can normally get to the gym, and they days I traditionally cannot. It gives me time to gather thoughts from the beginning of the week without demanding my continuance of writing during busier days of Friday, Saturday and Sunday. And when I say busier, I mean, days were I have more free time, and can choose to do other things, and not be online as much.
I used to thrive on high pressure situations, and making things happen under the worst of circumstances, but I don't seem to feel the same about it anymore. Perhaps I've just experienced too much of that, and I'm waiting on the day when things are just easy. Things right now are NOT easy. It feels like days keep getting shorter, and there's less, and less time each day to accomplish what I need to do. And there is a LOT that I need to do.
A LOT, a lot.
All that aside, my weight continues to decline, and by decline, I mean, increase. Not the direction I want, but given the holidays, that's almost assumed. The number, by the way, was 224 this morning, which is awful. I'm not sure I legitimately put on 5 pounds in a week. Seriously. Is that even possible? With all the packing, and cleaning I had to do, that should have at least equaled a day at the gym.
Good Bye, 2018
Life is like looking out at the ocean. In the distance things might seem calm, but the waves keep crashing nearby, sometimes relatively gently, but often with a violent force. Sometimes slowly sculpting the land, and sometimes quickly making changes, or even destroying it...
Do you like that metaphor?
2018 was one of those mostly stormy years of frequent turbulence, and rapid changes. I know there are a few more big storms, and crashing waves to withstand before we can truly say adieu to the numbered trip around the sun based on when someone thought someone was born. Humans are weird for that, but that's a topic for a different blog. Did I have any major accomplishments this year? I don't think so. Mostly the year was about pressing on, keeping the oars in the water, and the sails up, even though I usually just want to head back to port, and dock with a cup of coffee, a warm puppy, and some pillows. My photography, and video production business took some steps forward. I grew as a creator, and improved my skills, and knowledge. I took on ambitious projects, with varying degrees of success. I gave of myself to others, as I always do, providing my talents, and experience to them to help further their success. Something that I will always do.
I saw my daughter, now an adult, take on the adventure of College away from home. It seems like yesterday she was an infant cuddling for a nap on my chest. Now she is on her own, and succeeding on her own chosen path. I'm proud of her! I saw my oldest son growing, literally, from not quite as tall as I am, to significantly taller than I am, in a year's time. I saw my youngest take on the challenge of marching band, and successfully switch from saxophone to percussion, giving a level of dedication to it that I didn't really expect. It is exciting to see them growing toward adulthood. I'm not perfect, but I believe I have been a positive influence on them, and a reliable guide toward their maturation.
I have a solid relationship with an amazing woman. She's creative, brilliant, dynamic, talented, and her presence in my life makes me feel excited to be in a relationship for the first time in a long, long time. But that has been ongoing since we started dating over three years ago. There isn't a moment that goes by that she isn't on my mind. So, I have that going for me at the moment.
In all 2018 wasn't a horrible stretch of 584,000,000 miles of travel.
Hello, 2019
As 2018 ends with some challenges, 2019 begins with new challenges presented by those same challenges, if that makes sense. Those BIG waves are crashing right now, and huge changes are afoot. All I can do is try to keep my footing, and wrestle the ocean. That being what it is, I can only look forward to the next year with excitement, and anticipation for the possibilities. Anything less would be a pessimistic approach to what lies ahead.
The year will certainly start with some big changes. Just wait until you hear!
Or, maybe not so much. Who knows. We can't always control the circumstances around us, even if we have a hand in creating them.
By the way, the concept of that things will change based on a random location of the Earth in its orbit around the Sun seems kind of silly, doesn't it? Aside from financial expectations created by the government, and banking institutions, what truly changes on January 1st? Not much. So don't look for resolutions here. I'm going to continue on my personal growth paths, and do my best to keep myself in line with what I am trying to achieve.
Relationship Challenges
No, no. Not mine. Although no relationship is perfect, mine is pretty darn good, and enjoyable. Just in general - I see a lot of people expressing their relationship challenges through social media, or other places online. Single people expressing their dismay at not being able to find a partner who is a good fit. Couples who express a bounty of love in public, but expressing some concerns away from the public eye. Couples expressing serious concerns in the public eye, where it really should be more private.
I'm not referring to anyone specific. I won't refer to anyone specific. If you read the above descriptions, and something hits home, well, then you're aware of you, and what you have going on. I'm always willing to be an ear, and offer my empathy, and support to anyone who asks, but I'm not talking about you here.
But even bringing up relationships, or attitudes about relationships is a challenge, simply because so many things are relatable anyone reading my thoughts, or opinions, or advice might think I am actually talking about them, or talking about my own. I'm not here to embarrass or offend anyone, especially those whom I'm closest too. I just read an article about a couple who were newly married, but their relationship was in a lot of trouble. They were struggling to express it, and resorted to some very passive-aggressive behavior. One, not communicating, or listening. One, resorting to communicating very poorly, and immaturely trying to be heard. The first resorting to throwing the other's behavior online to shame them, and the second closing off, most likely out of spite, and anger. Their story got quite a bit of attention, but mainly nothing helpful. A few people did state they both had a point, but at the end of the day they needed to work together to work on what was troubling their relationships. However most comments took sides, and if listened to would undoubtedly widen the chasm between them.
That's disheartening.
It all starts with communication. Stepping outside of what might be going on inside your own head, and listening to what your partner has going on inside of their head. Feelings are allowed, on both sides, and both people need to do their best to understand, and accept how the other feels. You have to find compromise, regardless of where each feels the inequity lies. The other side of that: you have to listen to yourself as well. And that takes a lot of self-examination, to see how your behaviors, your words, your actions, and your attitudes might be impacting those around you. People say you can't expect someone to love you, if you don't love yourself first. I think that really comes down to understanding yourself, more than just loving yourself. If you don't understand yourself, you have little chance of understanding others, or allowing them what they need to understand you. Sometimes I don't even understand me. Most days I don't even like me much, but I know I can be loved, and I have limitless love to give. However, I do spend time every day self-reflecting, and seeing where I can be more honest with myself, and be a better person.
Closing off is a sure fire way to end a relationship, even if you're closing off yourself from you. Closing off prevents you from growing within yourself, and prevents you from allowing someone to grow with you.
So my advice for 2019 for everyone is, listen more, meditate more... heck, masturbate more! And spend more time figuring out what really makes YOU tick. From there, the possibilities grow, and love stands a better chance of surviving.