Tag: love

The Sixteenth of October

Posted on by Paul In The Buff

When I was a child the big thing was a party at McDonalds. They had the playground area, and tables with benches that looked like their mascot characters, or so from what I recall. When I was turning 7 I think, I wanted to have friends over for a party and have my mom record it on the old 8mm video camera so I could see what it looked like from outside of my own perspective. No audio – home technology for the lacking of financial resources wasn’t that good back then. I got to watch that silent, monochrome reel once. I’m sure that reel still exists somewhere although I doubt I have the means to view it again today. Who knows? For me, like so many others of my generation, memories are mostly stored in our brains, and very little physical, or digital memories exist to remind us of how it truly was.

But three years ago my partner blindfolded me, put me in the car, led me into a bowling alley where friends and family awaited. I was surprised. I was a bit overwhelmed. No, I was very overwhelmed, by a lot of it. Mostly because my partner did this for me out of love, and joy. Yes, it was 50. That’s a big milestone. I never truly expect anyone to make a big deal about my birthday, and it’s ok that they don’t. But she did, and that means a lot to me.

In Conclusion

Posted on by Paul In The Buff

Individually you only matter to a couple of generations before and after your life. Your grandparents might love and adore you. Your parents might love and care for you. Your peers might love and respect you. You might give rise to children whom you will love and guide to maturity. They might have children, and if you’re lucky enough, you might be around long enough to see them grow and be a meaningful part of their lives. And that’s about it. Rarely do we know or have significant relations with our great grandparents, and likewise, our great grandchildren. There’s an outside chance those generations might know you as a person. Outside of that, you’re a name. Maybe. You’re someone else’s memories to be relayed, maybe. You’re a grave marker.

Maybe.

Maybe you’re fortunate enough to be a grave marker people visit on purpose. But that too is rare.

The Blog Bog – Stuff I Shouldn’t Say In Public

Posted on by Paul In The Buff

I haven’t published anything to my blog in over two years at this point. There are reasons why.

Blogging is slogging at times. No one reads it, so sometimes there’s very little point in crafting anything resembling content for a blog, especially when you’re busy often creating content for others. Or photographing an event, or making a movie, or working a full time job that doesn’t allow much room for your own creative endeavors. That’s just kind of how life is.

We can add on top of it, right around the publishing of my last blog article, my health took a relatively serious turn toward the…. not good.

The Job

Posted on by Paul In The Buff

What is the cliché? Boy meets girl. Boy loses girl. Something else might be beyond that, but unlike the pop-culture Rom-Coms of our day, not much ever transpires after the loss. Usually after the loss, you move on. She’s not coming back. Once someone has decided they don’t want to be with you, or prefers to be with someone else, honestly, moving on is the best thing you can do for yourself.

But once in a while, it’s tough to let go. And once in a while you convince yourself that fighting for her will fix it. In those moments, it is essential that you have a friend that will slap you back to reality, and even more essential that you listen to that friend.

Before there was Hailey, there were many others. For Billy it didn’t begin with a lot of self-reflection, and exploration. No, it began with shedding who he thought he once was, and taking on a relationship that he wanted to be all about him.

Weigh-In Wednesday – There’s Always More Than One Side

Posted on by Paul In The Buff

Marriage has become a ridiculous social expectation first forced upon us by our religious institutions who want to claim some kind of ownership on the whole thing, and now pushed by our government that actually incentivizes (straight) people to get married, and punishes everyone who chooses not to, or lives, and loves in an alternative relationship. To add to that, you have the whole “tradition” expectation that you NEED to be married before starting a family. This probably comes from the fact some men will bolt, and leave their partner, and kids to fend for themselves, but this is exacerbated by the social expectation that the pinnacle of living life is reproduction, which is another ridiculous concept we’ve had shoved down our throats for far too long. An don’t get me started on how social values basically tell a guy, you know you’re not good enough for her, so you better marry her otherwise she’ll find someone better, and dump you. As if marriage is the only thing that will get her to stick around because you’re so inadequate.

Weigh-In Wednesday – The Uniqueness of You

Posted on by Paul In The Buff

I learned in time, that’s just how it is, and I need to have patience with myself, more than patience with others. In those times when you’re stopped worrying about it, and start focusing on other things, amazing people come into your life. When you’re forcing it, less than amazing people come into your life.

Just my two-cents of my old age wisdom. Picture me peeling an apple and eating slices off the blade of my pocket knife while sitting in a porch rocker while telling you this. It might make more of an impact.

A straw hat, and denim overalls are also nice additions.

Another Day

Posted on by Paul In The Buff

“I want to play,” Hailey  announced in that way that only drunk people would announce such a thing.

“What would you like to play?” Billy inquired back with a smirk. He knew her condition meant she would be open to anything. She loved rough play when drinking, and the more drunk she got, the rougher it could be.

“Whatever you want to play…” she said, poking Billy in the middle of his chest with an outstretched index finger. “But you know my preferences,” she continued, tracing her finger down his body.

Billy looked at her through squinted eyes, and a tilted head. She smiled, and laughed a little, and playfully asked, “What?  What’s gong through your mind?”

“You might not want to know,” he responded dryly, “but you’re about to find out.”

Weigh-In Wednesday – Searching for the Sun

Posted on by Paul In The Buff

Sometimes, being positive isn’t about finding the silver lining in the storm clouds, or seeing the sun from behind the rain. It’s about appreciating the rain, and how refreshing it can be while it is coming down. It’s about appreciating the dancing shadows in the storm clouds as they roll, and flow. It’s about recognizing your pain, embracing it, and realizing it will pass. 

Not everything is good all of the time, but even when things aren’t good, they’re useful. Flowers rarely grow from sunshine alone. It takes a balance of rain, and some lumps of shit, along with the sunshine for them to thrive.

If you spend your time trying to only be positive, not only do you fail to learn to deal with your problems, but you lose the experience of the pain your problems bring. Without being able to feel, embrace, and deal with pain, you can’t fully appreciate the happiness, and the good. As I’ve said many times, the valleys help define the mountains.  The oceans help to define the land. Contrasts exist to show us what can be, what is important, what we should value, and the things, and people that deserve our greatest efforts.