Tag: funny

We’re Being Watched

Posted on by Paul In The Buff

...aliens are tracking us. Not all of us, but a significant number of us. Abductions happen, and just as we tag animals in the wild to study their lives, aliens are tagging us too.

See these people with all the piercings in their ears, face, lips, and/or nose? Some of those are actually alien transmitters with which they study the person's movements. They have the technology to create false memories and make the person believe THEY chose to get their ear pierced again... they enjoy having all of these piercings... they experienced going to the "Piercing Pagoda" at the mall or "Old Stinky's Tattoo, Piercing and Botulism Emporium" and got this done.

Meanwhile, the aliens are watching... always watching...

A Crazy Day

Posted on by Paul In The Buff

A quick story about the struggles of air travel, from January 20, 2009

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Crazy day. A tale that actually began and ended at Gate 2. The gate used by the flights going to and returning from Regan National.

I had to go to Louisville today for a couple days worth of work which I managed to finish in just less than 5 hours total time. So I turned myself around and grabbed a flight back home. Made for a nice 20 hour day with travel and all, but being at home and alone I guess is better than being in Kentucky, at all.

Almost didn’t get there though; this morning at Regan National, they couldn’t find our plane.

If you’ve never flown US Airways Express through Regan, consider yourself lucky, but then listen to how archaic this system is:

Flights all park out on the tarmac and the airport buses the passengers to and from the planes and the terminal. They have two gates from which all express flights depart, which basically just designates which bus you get on, but they release three flights for boarding at a time.

Fortunately this morning was a light traffic day, unlike the afternoon, and evening when Regan National turned into a zoo because of the inauguration ceremony tomorrow. There were only about 10 people on the flight to Louisville but we all got a tour of the departure area because they couldn’t decide which plane was actually ours. So the bus took us from the terminal, to a plane, and back… then back out to the planes, then back to the terminal… then back out to the planes…. Then back to the terminal.

In between each trip the driver had to have a face to face discussion or argument with crew, ground personnel and the gate dispatcher. He has a radio on the bus, so I still have no idea why he had to drive back and forth to discuss these things in person.

But eventually we found a plane they would let us use and imagine the surprised crew who had been there waiting for us for 20 minutes.

Ahhh… Monday mornings are the best.

And next week I start five straight weeks of work in Louisville…

I will need drinks. Lots of strong, strong drinks.

Car Troubles in Kentucky

Posted on by Paul In The Buff

This one, from February 12, 2009. A strange tale to offer some perspective on the issues I used to face when traveling.

This was one of the more unusual ones.

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So, here is a good one.

Just when I thought Kentucky couldn’t get worse…

..on the advice of the vendor reps I am working with, they recommended staying at the Seelbach hotel – a 100 year old, legendary hotel in down town Louisville. A lot of history, now owned by Hilton and refurbished... a really neat place.

I have to say the hotel itself is amazing. A lot of old character and charm… comfortable just like any other Hilton. Good restaurants and bars inside.

But the oddest thing happened tonight.

The reps suggested I valet my car. The difference between self-parking and valet is only $4 and valet is so much easier. All good by me. I returned to the hotel around 7PM tonight and told valet I would be back in about an hour to grab the car to go out to dinner. They said, no problem, they’ll just leave it up front for me and ready for my return.

Cool.

So around 8PM I went downstairs and there was my car right where I parked it. Fantastic. I approach the valet stand and ask the obviously nervous and scrambling attendant for the key to my car.

“Oh, you have the silver Nissan?” he asks.

“Yeah, I think it’s number 302 or something… the valet this morning wouldn’t give me my claim receipt so…”

He cuts me off… nervous and panicky.

“We have a problem, well, not our fault, really, but, it’s a serious problem…” he said rapidly.

“Ohhh k.. what’s the problem?”

“Well *ahem* this has never happened before… we’re really sorry... but… apparently someone broke into our valet box as stole the key for your car.”

Me *dumbfounded*.

“Uhhhhh.. ok? So… ?”

“Well, they took keys to about six cars... all we had in there. Yours is one of them.. and the other two next to yours. The van has been clicking like someone has been hitting the buttons so the police are hiding across the street watching all the cars. Your car won’t go anywhere without them seeing so that isn’t a problem… but... do you need your car?”

At this point… what would you say?

I have nothing of value in the car… and it’s a rental… so… whatever. This is more of an inconvenience than anything. But… wow.

The guy couldn’t be more apologetic or accommodating. He paid for a taxi to take me to dinner, and back. But, seriously, how does a reputable, high-end hotel in the middle of a busy downtown market district allow this to happen?

Seriously.

This was a first for me.

I returned to the hotel after dinner and was met by the hotel manager and a locksmith. They explained where they were – since it was a rental they couldn’t just go to Nissan and get a new fob keyed, they had to go through Avis. They asked me for my contract, which of course was locked in the car. No worries – I called Avis first and went around the phone call transfer circuit to get to someone who could handle this. He suggested there might be a spare fob in the spare tire well, or call the airport maintenance tomorrow and the might have one. Odds are, neither are the case since the car has tags from another area.

The hotel head honcho - he too was apologetic and after the locksmith broke into the car to see if we could locate the spare fob in the trunk he dove right into the back seat to dig into the trunk and find that fob. Pretty spry for his age.

No luck. The car still sits in front of the hotel.

They have all been very attentive to the situation... but…

Does it ever get more strange than Kentucky?

Part two…

Had to put some time into working this out with Avis this morning. Of course at 8AM none of the hotel management was in yet and the lackey running the valet desk was up to his ass in pissed off people demanding their cars. I had more luck dealing with the locksmith who had returned with keys for another person’s car and was checking on replacing the fob for mine.

Avis agreed to just replace the car and were bringing a new one on a flat-bed, which they would then haul out the Nissan on.

Unfortunate – I really like the Nissan. Now I’ll probably get a 1972 Pinto…

But that will wait until I return to the hotel. There is still work to be done. The locksmith was kind enough to give me a ride to the hospital – which is only about 8 blocks from the hotel. Still, on a cold morning that is more than appreciated.

I’ll deal with the rest tonight…

Beerology

Posted on by Paul In The Buff

On March 6th I had the opportunity to attend and shoot Beerology for Yelp. Beerology is basically heaven for beer lovers - with over 40 participating vendors and caterers, Beerology packed the Buffalo Museum of Natural Sciences with patrons looking to try dozens of craft brews, and learn more about the brewing process. The images were as fun as the event sounds!