I have discovered my job is literally Peter Gibbons's job in the movie Office Space.  Now, I love the movie Office Space, and in fact traveled with a digital copy on my laptop to watch while on flights, in my hotel, etc..  while I had a contract that required weekly travel from 2006 through 2009. That job was a high-pressure job, and working from the road all the time wasn't always easy, but back then, running my own business, and experiencing so many different places was so much better than just being in an Office Space type work environment.  Why do I say that my  current job is Peter Gibbons's? Because the job doesn't seem matter, at all. I do my work, which is completely trite, unrewarding, and for the most part without meaning, or consequence, good or bad. I get direction from management, but it's rarely ever followed-up on, or consistent. I have eight different bosses who will all tell me the same thing, or in most cases, nothing at all. My presence is required, but at the same time, completely optional as long as work gets done. My only fulfillment comes via direct deposit, which isn't great, but the flip-side is, once I leave the office I don't have to think about my job at all. Not a single bit. No worries, no over-hang of stress, no wondering how I will solve problems, or make anything work. Nothing. I can completely focus on things that actually matter to me.

There is a certain serenity in that. I'm not changing the world here, but it keeps the bills paid while I work on changing my world elsewhere. When I'm here I hate it, and I want to leave, or find something new. But at the same time, I realize such jobs are pretty rare.

Like Kevin Spacey in American Beauty, filling out the application for the fast-food restaurant,  I want the least amount of responsibility possible. I kind of have that.

But there are still so many things that make me scratch my head here.

No One Seems To Work

In any given day, more of my colleagues here stand around chatting about life, fantasy football, online gaming, home remodeling, raising their families, their love lives etc... than I actually see them doing any real work. Not just seeing them do it, but the amount of time they leave in their day to do it is the minority of their time. Or at least it feels that way. When I walk by peoples' desks, they're often watching movies, surfing social media, or playing games on their phones. 

This would be amazing if not for the fact that....

No One Wants To Do Their Work

Right. So other silos get tickets for problems that are identified, and they don't want to deal with it, so the tickets often get dumped to me. As a co-worker asked me this morning, "What is your job like?" and my answer was, My job is everyone else's job. They don't want to do their work, so they expect me to do it. So half of my job is simply figuring out who's job particular issues are, and sending the work back to them, or on to someone else, because by the definition of my position, there is actually a very limited amount of problems I'm  responsible for.

Meanwhile...

My co-worker  asked me that while I was standing in the kitchen, where the office copier/printer is stationed, holding a ream of copy paper. I was waiting to put paper in the copier, but an older co-worker was apparently struggling to figure out how to scan her passport on the device, but seemed intent on trying to figure it out, so she didn't acknowledge me unpacking paper reams, and approaching the copier with one before stepping obliviously right in front of me as I was about to load paper into the machine. So I stepped back, and waited while conversing with my other co-worker for a few minutes. After about ten minutes of watching her fruitlessly trying to figure out the scanning process, I dropped the paper on the counter, and left. Someone else can load it when they need it, if they can figure it out.

Which Brings Me To The Establishing Story Of This Situation

I went into the kitchen just before this to make a cup of a coffee. While in there, two different, older co-workers were scrambling around perplexed over their print jobs not printing because...  yes, you guessed it, the machine was out of paper. It took them a while to figure out to open the paper drawer of the machine, and indeed, there was not a single sheet of paper in the drawer.

Next, they scratched their heads over, where could more paper be?

I've been here for 9 months, and I know the answer to this question. They've probably been here for over a decade, and were acting like this was the most bizarre situation, and couldn't understand that the paper fairy didn't magically appear to replace the paper for them.

They searched the obvious top of all the counter space, and recycling bins, looking completely lost for a solid minute before they thought to check in the cabinets for more paper. First, they checked the vertical files where the mail for individuals is delivered. Amazingly, there was no extra paper in there! Probably because it's the mail delivery file...  Then they checked the adjacent storage cabinets where the extra paper is stored.

OH NO! Only Legal Sized and 3-Hole Punched paper. So, because they're lazy, and won't walk to the supply area on the floor by the conference room, they threw in some 3-Hole Punched paper to print their jobs, and went about their day because, why fix the problem the right way when you can just ignore it, and hope someone else takes care of it?

I returned to my desk with my coffee, went to the supply area, and grabbed a case of paper. As I was returning with it to the kitchen area, I heard multiple people say, "Oh good, Paul found some paper."

WTF???!!! How long has it been out of paper that so many of you knew it but none of you knew to go get a case of paper???!!! 

Literally, no one here does more than they need. They assume jobs like this will be taken care of someone else, and why put in any effort to fix a problem?  Mind you, I rarely ever print anything to this printer. Once a month, I print 4 test prints while validating patches, and updates. That's it.  I've never had to replace paper before for my four monthly prints, but I know how to fucking do it because I'm not lazy, or an idiot. 

These are highly paid Information Technology Professionals.

Non Lazy

I am not lazy. I can be at times. But on a happier, non-lazy note, it is now time for me to take my "lunch break" and go to the gym. Again, my presence here isn't necessary, and my work is as caught up as it can be, so no one will miss me while I'm gone.