Confidence. It is often what people say separates the successful from the unsuccessful, in most facets of life. Dating, relationships, job, competition, performance, athletics, skills - if you go about it with confidence you can do it! If you question yourself, and hesitate, you're doomed to fail.

I've always said, you can get away with just about anything if you do it with confidence, and act like you own the place. Whatever place it might be.

Your own place. Your space. Your place in life. That is the first thing you have to own. Yourself. Understanding yourself. Control of yourself. Confidence in who you are, what you do, and even the thoughts in your head.

I've seen people in bad relationships being terribly gaslighted. Not even just romantic relationships;  friendships, and professional relationships, too. Lacking confidence, because they've been so torn down by another person, they even begin to question their own actions, their own thought processes, and even the truth that they know is the truth.  Although I am not always the most confident person, if I step back from situations, and view my words, actions, and intentions with honesty, I can generally tell if someone is trying to treat me unfairly.

I know my truth.

Dating advice for men always states that women are more attracted to confident males. Those so-called experts advise, it doesn't matter if you ARE confident, you just have to appear confident. Fake it until you make it, right? The brain tends to not really work that way. Prevailing thoughts, questions, and doubts will eventually creep in, and faking it only takes you to the point until you have to confidently deal with conflict.

And, news flash, most women can sense a disingenuous façade a mile away.

However, the same goes for women. Confidence is attractive. Yes, we're still sorting out the balance in our social roles, but in general most people respond better to genuine confidence. So where does genuine confidence come from? Is it skills mastery? Is it success? Is it a broadly positive view of yourself? Vanity? Conceit?

I don't believe it is necessarily any one of those things.

As I have often said, every day we are faced with decisions. We make those decisions in the moment using the best information we have at that moment. From that, you should have no regrets. When you make decisions based on trying to take advantage of someone, then you should have regrets, but people who act in such a way rarely show true remorse anyway.

People aren't perfect. People are not omniscient. You can't expect to make the right decision, say the right thing, or be the perfect person in every moment of your life. Others need to understand that, and have the capacity to forgive you. To let things go. So you too need that same understanding, and capacity for others. I believe when you become that person, when you can self-reflect in honesty, when you can be confident of your own intentions, when you can forgive others for their mistakes, or lapses in judgment, and move forward, when you can step back, examine your own decisions, and own them regardless of how those around you might judge you for them, or express how they would have chosen differently, that is when you are building a foundation to allow your confidence to bloom.

Life, and all you do in life, is a continuous growth process. We are always learning, always taking in new information, always reflecting on the past, and applying what we learn to new situations. There is good, and bad to this.

The good is, we grow, and when we recognize our own intentions, we become better, wiser people.

The bad is, we stunt our growth, fearing making the same past mistakes, or being hurt in the same ways, and we hold our past against our present, and our future.

Take some time to self-reflect. Absolutely think about those past decisions, and be honest about them. Were your intentions the right ones? If yes, great. Why hold regret? If not, only you can reconcile them, and forgive yourself for it, but learn from it, and make better decisions in the future, but go into your future unafraid. Your knowledge will help you make better decisions, but mistakes will always be made. Closing yourself off for fear of making mistakes is one of the biggest mistakes there is.

This blog post was inspired by reading a story on social media that someone posted about a man who regretted his past decisions, and therefore felt like he lost something of value in his past. It made me ponder some of my own past decisions, and how things have been in my life, since his story in some parts reflected off of my own story. Not maybe people truly know my story. Not many people ask. But I know my story, and I know the intent behind my decisions. I see my mistakes, and I see where I have fallen short of being the person I want to be.

I have reconciled that for myself many times. And although I'm not always the most confident person, I am confident in who I am, and my truth cannot be bent by any one else's lies.