Three years ago Cortney threw a party for my 50th birthday.

I can't remember the last time in my life anyone actually had a party for my birthday. What was I, 11? Maybe 12? At least, that's what I remember. Memories are funny that way.

When I was a child the big thing was a party at McDonalds. They had the playground area, and tables with benches that looked like their mascot characters, or so from what I recall. When I was turning 7 I think, I wanted to have friends over for a party and have my mom record it on the old 8mm video camera so I could see what it looked like from outside of my own perspective. No audio - home technology for the lacking of financial resources wasn't that good back then. I got to watch that silent, monochrome reel once. I'm sure that reel still exists somewhere although I doubt I have the means to view it again today. Who knows? For me, like so many others of my generation, memories are mostly stored in our brains, and very little physical, or digital memories exist to remind us of how it truly was.

But three years ago my partner blindfolded me, put me in the car, led me into a bowling alley where friends and family awaited. I was surprised. I was a bit overwhelmed. No, I was very overwhelmed, by a lot of it. Mostly because my partner did this for me out of love, and joy. Yes, it was 50. That's a big milestone. I never truly expect anyone to make a big deal about my birthday, and it's ok that they don't. But she did, and that means a lot to me.

I wanted to join my kids, and my friends bowling, but I was afraid to. The last time I tried, I couldn't keep my balance. My first attempt I fell down at the line. My loss of equilibrium was a surprise to me after all my experiences bowling. I fell down hard. I hurt myself. I struggled through the rest of the day focusing more on just not falling than actually making shots. I blamed my old shoes. Had to be the old shoes just didn't have a consistent surface anymore, and that was that.

Unfortunately, it was much more than just shoes.

Things were not going well for me when I turned 50. She knew that, but neither of us really knew why or how bad things would get. The last few years have been hard on both of us. There have been some very difficult moments. More than I care to talk about. Moments, and circumstances that will only exist between us. She's been loving, and supportive, and compassionate, and unflappable. Even in moments that would have sent many shrinking in embarrassment. I still feel awful for those moments. No, they weren't in my control, but I hate to think I ever cause her pain or distress.

The last few years have not been easy.

Here we are, another rotation around the sun past that party. Things are better. Not great, but better. She's great. Me - not so much - but getting better.

Still struggling with some things, but feel much more like my old self. At least in spirit. Doubt I would have been able to get this far without her love and support.

A couple of months after that party, I found myself lacking all energy. No ambition. No zest for doing... anything. My body was shot. Breathing was difficult. Standing and moving was difficult. I was speaking to my attorney to get my will together. That's where I was.

Takes a lot of emotional strength to look at your partner when they're in that condition. But she is strong. 

I'm improving. She's still standing beside me. We're discovering new things to love and appreciate about each other every day. That in itself is a new experience for me.

Cortney's band started performing "Your Love" by the Outfield this year. It made us listen to the lyrics closer. The lyrics, "Just 'cause you're right , that don't mean I'm wrong," stuck out to us. What an odd thing to say. People might not understand that, but we think we figured it out.  It's not about disagreeing on the answer to  a math problem, when things are right, or wrong. In a relationship, people might have different perspectives, but both people want the other person to hear their perspective; to listen to them. They can both be right. They can both be valid. But if you don't listen to each other and work to truly understand each other, you might be left at odds, or placing blame, instead of finding an appreciation for the other person's perspective.

Sometimes we will disagree and just say to each other, "Just 'cause you're right, that don't mean I'm wrong." Kind of our way of saying, I value your perspective, but it doesn't necessarily change mine. We still love each other, support each other, and work toward our mutual happiness, so we don't have to see eye to eye on everything.

That has been important, especially for me. I have to see how difficult this can be outside of my own difficulties.  I have to remind myself sometimes to appreciate that this isn't easy for her, yet, she's still chooses me every day. We still lie down next to each other at night, and wake up next to each other in the morning. We still express our love for each other in many ways every day.

I am thankful for all of it.