My scale has become my enemy. It mocks my efforts, and my pain. With aching muscles, I step upon it every day, seeing little bits of improvement...

Until Wednesday. Then either the scale lies, and laughs, or I retain water midweek like I experience some kind of sadistic, weeky hormonal cycle.

The number on Sunday was 214.8

Today I get.... 216.8. 

Bastard!

What the hell?! Saturday was my cheat day!

Ok, every day is technically a cheat day when you don't follow any actual diet guidelines, and you eat like a teenager with a Burger King coupon book... but still, I'm usually much more food conscious during the work week than I am on weekends. How exactly does what I ate on the weekend increase what I weigh on Wednesday but not Sunday? It's a scam, I tell you!

Speaking of scams...

Here A Scam, There A Scam...

I'm no stranger to having attempted scams thrown in my direction. From my days running a technology consulting company, and receiving emails asking to buy $20,000 worth of products on a "credit card," to more recent text messages to get me to photograph some mysteriously under-planned family reunion. But here is a new, and spreading scam I was recently targeted with, but have noted through research, it is becoming more common.

The sender is posing as Fashion Magazine writer, Terry Woodley, actually submitted this through the contact form on my website, so, hey, thanks scammer for giving me one more website hit!

It begins innocuously enough - he is compiling shots for a fashion magazine, and is impressed with my work. Plausible, and completely understandable that he would be impressed! But red flag number one - the email address looks pretty wonky for someone who writes for a fashion magazine, and why pick some random photographer?

So of course I want to know more! I respond simply, and perhaps a bit passively, inviting him to give me more details, to which, he does.

Seems... almost legit. But, wait a second. You, a fashion writer from an Internationally known fashion magazine is soliciting a relatively unknown photographer based on my... YELP portfolio? Not knocking Yelp, but... YELP? You sent me an email through my website contact form; the same website where I have thousands of photos in portfolios, but you're impressed with the 32 photos on my Yelp page? Most of them aren't even Fashion related! None of them are current!

You'll have to do better than that, bro.

If my scammer sixth-sense wasn't already tingling like bare nipples in a Buffalo winter, this was definitely the trigger. I started doing some research, and discovered this scam, verbatim, was going around. But I often play along so, I worked on posing those questions scammers don't like answering, without actually providing too much information. The scammer responded in kind without providing too much information...

But wow, $2000, plus another $2300 to pay to the talent. Wait, I'm not talent? That's kind of offensive, but ok, I can see the terminology breakdown. The prospect of being solicited for $2000 to do a shoot for a big-time Fashion magazine is almost too much to pass up, right? Especially in Buffalo - not known as the fashion Mecca of the world. Of course the information that this person is requesting is all pretty easily obtainable, but I don't want to just give away the pot, so a little more cat v. mouse needs to be had.

Aaaaaaaaaannnnd it ends. Asking for proof of what they are offering is usually the deal breaker. We didn't even get to the part where they ask if I take credit cards, or ask for my bank account routing information to send a payment. Phooey. I tried.

Be warned on this one, fellow photographers. I'm sure it will come around to many of you, whether or not you're on Yelp.

A Depressing Follow-Up

As a follow-up to my last Friday Blog I wanted to write out a few more thoughts about depression. We seem to be, as a society, headed in a direction where more, and more of us struggle with depression, and with that, suicides, and suicidal thought patterns. From the outside, one might focus blame on the cynicism of the younger generations - Gen X, the apathetic ones. Gen Y, the Millennials, who are blamed for killing off everything from Toys-R-Us, to paper napkins. Gen Z, and their Tide-Pods, and not wanting to be shot while at school. We become a product of our environment, and our environment past the Baby Boomers has moved more, and more in the direction of treating individuals as... well, products.

Think about it. The value of an individual now, more than ever, is measured almost exclusively by his or her contribution to the economy. What are you worth? What is your profession? How much do you earn? How many kids do you have? What zip code do you live in? What kind of car do you drive? Now that the majority of middle-class Americans have college degrees, our education even boils down to, how expensive was the college you got that degree from? Prestige replaces practical education, and application of learning.

Profits are placed above people. Always. Your student debt doesn't matter. Work harder. Get a second job. Get a third job. Why are you buying that latte, and not a house? Why are you having therapy and not 2.3 kids? Is avocado toast really needed? Shouldn't you be investing? The wealthy elite who run the businesses that rely on your time, efforts, and spending to be profitable demand to know why you newer generations aren't blindly succumbing to their automation, and consumerism! You're KILLING the (insert industry here)!

How dare you! Their stakeholders demand you play the game by their rules!

Ok, I'll take one step off the soapbox, but I won't kick it away entirely just yet. The industrial revolution brought about many significant changes to our society, but the one that I believe stands above all others is automation. The question to industry is how do they eliminate the soft costs of production, reduce expenses, and produce more? The answer is simple - automation. Remove the variable. People are unreliable. People get sick. People slow down. People break over time, and you can't replace their parts. Automate everything that you can. And they have. Including the individual.

Right from the start of your childhood individuals are de-individualized. Blue for boys, pink for girls, and that's it. Your behavior expectations are set. Boys don't cry. Girls are sugar, and spice. Boy have to be emotionless, and go-getters. Girls, you all be quiet, and modest, and prudish, and don't get in the way until boys need you for something, preferably baby making, but it's up to you to do that responsibly! We start school, and more expectations are heaped on us. Sit still, face front row-by-row, don't talk to your neighbors, follow instructions, learn your lessons, get good grades. Art? Music? Theater? Unimportant. You want to be an engineer, or a doctor, or a nurse, or an accountant, or a lawyer - that's where the MONEY is. That's where YOU will be VALUED the most by society.  Sports? Those are good - they teach you aggression, and competitiveness. More important for boys, than girls, obviously, and subsequently, academically boys are falling far behind. But still, get good grades, and if you can't get good grades, learn to be a good little, hard working, industrious worker-bee for daddy capitalism.  Your individual wants, and desires don't matter. Your personality traits, and nuances, and mental health don't matter - just don't let them interfere with your job. If you do, we'll put you on some medication that will get you back to the standards that are expected.

For centuries humans have looked to the sky, and asked those existential questions of who are we? Why are we here? What is the purpose of life? What is the meaning? Those questions matter. The fact that we have evolved to the point that we ask these questions, and seek answers through scientific exploration matters. The answer we've been given throughout time though is, the meaning of life is to work, and consume, and be economically valuable. This answer doesn't work for many of us. We know there is more to life than being industrious consumers, and even for people who seem to reach the echelon of their careers - Bourdain, Spade, Cornell, Williams, Cobain - this answer doesn't work. No matter how envious of them we might be looking at their careers, their lives, and what they achieved, the answer to them is the same as the answer to all of us. Keep producing, keep making those whom you serve profitable. It didn't matter if it was CNN, or the fashion industry, or Universal Pictures, or the Disney, or the recording industry. Do you not think that they didn't get the point where they saw the cycle was never ending, that the expectations would always be heaped on them to do more, give more of themselves, be new, be better? Because our economy is designed in such a way that money is more important than the individual, and even Anthony Bourdain, in the end, is an expendable asset to a larger corporate entity.

You might think artists have the secret sauce to this - they create, they explore, they reinvent themselves all of the time, and money doesn't matter to those who live with passion!

Wrong.

Every artist wants to be, and needs to compensated for what they do, otherwise, how do they keep creating? How do they survive their day-to-day? And although our society appreciates art, it only respects the artist when the artist MAKES MONEY. Making money, and lots of it, is seen as the only true measurement of the success of an artist, just LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. How many times are those successful artists told in their upbringing to forget about that artsy stuff - get a stable job working for a big company, and make some money. Do you have a passion? How many times have you been told to put that passion aside, and go get a job? Especially by those who are closest to you.

Musicians? Your local musicians are just people playing instruments. It's nice, but are they making money? But we can respect Beyoncé, and Beck, and... name your favorite internationally known musician - because they make a lot of money with their music, but odds are you never will, so go get a job at a bank!

As a photographer I see this all of the time. Yes, I'm a good photographer - but am I a successful photographer? I am often asked, "Why don't you shoot weddings? Man, there's so much money there! You could make $5000 every weekend!"

Because...  I don't want to. And it goes against my own personal ethics to charge a young couple, who is probably going into debt to have an extravagant wedding because society has convinced everyone that a wedding has to be some magical, breathtaking event for everyone involved, $5000 fucking dollars for my services.

But apparently until my photography makes that kind of money for me all of the time, I'm not "successful."

See what I mean?

Everything bows to the dollar, and we've dehumanized humanity by answering those very human questions with a painfully simple, and inhumane answer.  Your value is how the economy values you. Your meaning in life is what you can contribute economically to society. Life is meaningless so give a few more bucks to your church, and pray for a better life after you die.

And then we wonder why more people are depressed all of the time? We wonder why those, who even when they look like they have it all together, point the gun at themselves just to break the cycle they feel they are hopelessly lost within.

We have this delusion of normalcy that we demand everyone fits into. We post memes, and tweets, and tumblr posts decrying to horrors of suffering from mental illness but mostly our society abhors those who suffer, struggle, and show signs of depression, bi-polar disorder, borderline personality disorder, or anything else you want to throw into the mix. It's a weakness, and our society hates any signs of weakness. Bullying exists because our society deemed it acceptable to prey on those that show signs of weakness, and celebrate the bully as being strong. We've written the David and Goliath story of the bullied overcoming the bully, especially through physical confrontation. We love the story of the underdog being triumphant, but how often do we stand idly by while the underdog is derided by those who have more power, or leverage, or... money?

The old definition of normal we have created needs to be set aside, and the new normal needs to be embraced. Depression is not healthy, but it IS normal. Those who struggle with it shouldn't be cast aside, or avoided until they show symptoms of something more drastic or dangerous. Sure, there are drugs, and therapy that can help, but love, and acceptance, and listening, and understanding helps even more. At least, from my perspective.

This is who we are. The root causes of the sudden advancement of depression are all there, and evident before our eyes. It's not a big mystery. People need to know they matter more than paper currency, in a contrived economy, made-up by the people who claim to own all of the resources. The businesses that people give a third of their time to need to treat people in ways that show them they matter, not just as a company resource, but as an individual. People are not "assets." People are not robots, programmed to serve as an automation tool. As I said, it is the intelligent, the creative, the most empathetic, the ones who are the most aware of themselves, and the world around us who feel this the deepest, and are impacted the hardest by how awful our world continues to become.

And the more different from the perceived, or accepted norm a person is, the harder the world hits them. Always remember that.

Wrapping Up, What Have I Learned Today?

I'm not sure. But I know I absolutely need to update my Yelp business portfolio if I want to keep catching the eye of imposter Fashion writers!

I think to go along with weigh-in Wednesdays I need to start having "No Eating Tuesdays."